Hello my fwends. I iz sorry I not bin keepin up wif me blog deez last few weeks since hoouncle went ova da bridge, but muvva been so busy, she not known if she comin or going.
She haz to hand da keys to hoouncles bungalow back in couple weeks, she had to ask for more time, cus he lived dere over 40yrs so dere was so much to sort fru and get rid ov. She sold some fings to help pay for his funeral wich woz good, but most of da stuff too good to frow away so she bin givin it to charities for dere shops.
Hopefully by end ov first week August she can hand keys in and relax.
In da meantime, we bin haffin problems wif dat nasty neighbour wot complained about me barkin at him occasionally. He also complained about our polytunnel greenhouse and muvva's windchime she put in da garden.
So muvva has to go to a mediation meeting on 5th August wif 3 housing officers and da nasty neighbour. He told muvva's landlords (housing association) dat she lets us out on purpose and make us bark at him to annoy him. Wich is total lies cuz we only goes out to wee and den we go back in agen. Muvva dunt let us stay in da garden to enjoy it coz she scared he gonna complain about us if we bark, or even if we dunt. So we prisoners in da house and she can't enjoy da garden either incase he spyin on her.
Ontop of hoouncle dying and trying to clear his bungalow in time single handed, all dis stress haz made muvva very ill. And wen da housing association telephoned her to ask her to attend da mediation meeting it woz da last straw an poor muvva broke down. We woz so upset to see her in such a state.
She felt so alone cos she only fambly now hoouncle gone, and it woz all too much for her to bear. But she got sum good fwends on Twitta who haf helped her, and she feeling little bit better today. Well enuff to let me come on here and rite me blog.
All we wants is to live in peace, enjoy our garden, and be happy.
Dis man got nuffin to complain about, an muvva finks it juz cos he lived in his house for years wivout any neighbours and last year he got 32 new ones built around him, and muvva's is right next door to him. Our garden is next to his. She told us wudnt matter who lived here ware we iz, he would complain about dem. His landlord is da man wot sold da land to housing association to build da new houses on.
Anyway dats why me not been about, and dats why me not been on Twitta much. Furstly cus muvva busy wif clearing hoouncles house and secondly now wif dis nasty neighbour rearin his ugly head agen.
So pleeze accept my pologies my fwends, its not cos me dunt care about yoo all, tis cus muvva not been well enuff.
Once dis all sorted out and hopefully our life back to normal, woteva dat is, we will haz more time to be wif our fwends on Twitta and me can rite me blog regular agen.
I loves yoo all so much.
Bonnie
xoxoxoxox
A little white dog with a big heart, BonniedaWestie, who had Cushings & SARDS started this blog. She passed over Rainbow Bridge 8th September 2015 after a very short illness. This blog contains information about disabled dogs & blind dogs & where to get help & information. God Bless her beautiful soul. I will miss her and love her forever.
Friday 31 July 2015
Friday 10 July 2015
A new chapter!
Hello my fwends. Well a new chapter has begun in our life now hoouncle haz passed away and da funeral has taken place.
Muvva sed it woz a perfect funeral, and not sombre or sad at all. Many of hoouncles old railway pals attended, some ov dem were very old hoomans. As dey waited for da coffin to arrive dey were chatting about all da old times dey shared and it woz vewy intrestin muvva sed.
As dey got hoouncle out ov da car one ov da old pals stepped forward and placed a Gillingham Football Club supporter's scarf on da coffin next to da flowers. It woz a very moving momunt and muvva said she welled up and got leaky eyes agen.
Da service itself woz vewy special and vewy personal to hoouncle. It woznt religious an it woznt humanist, but a balance between da two. As hoouncle came into da chapel da music was Apache by The Shadows, one of hoouncles favwite groups. Den da celibrant lady read a luffley poem about hoouncle starting his journey over da bridge, and dere woz a picfur ov hoouncles favwite steam locomotive above da poem, the Bournmouth Belle.
Den she red da eulogy wich muvva had ritten wif da theme from Local Hero by Mark Knopfler playing quietly in da background. Tellin all about hoouncles life from a small boy to wen he passed away wif muvva at his side. Muvva hadn't forgotten anyfin and although it wozn't a long eulogy it covered evfurryfing about hoouncle dat woz impawtunt.
Den dey played dat luffley bit of moosic by Mark Knopfler, Wherever I Go and evfurryone in da chapel had leaky eyes. It woz very moving. Hoouncles pals George and Nick were each side ov muvva, and she had to pass dem boff a tissue to wipe dere eyes *rolls eyes*
After dat dey all said da Lord's Prayer, and den celibrant lady read da commital wif a lovely poem about lettin him go back to da stars and da star maker and stuff.
And as da curtains closed Atlantis by The Shadows played as people cud stay dere a little wile den leave da chapel.
Muvva got vewy upset in da service, cus she had swollen eyes wen she got home but she told us it woz a beautiful service an she didn't feel sad no more, but had a sort of calm come over her and even felt a bit happy. Wich we understood but hoomans dunt always get it, dat wen we go over da bridge it not a sad time but a happy time.
Muvva gave da flowers to da funeral lady and sed dat other people cud use dem if dey wanted to, cos not evfurryone can affords fresh flowers, and as deez woz silk dey cud be used agen and agen. So funeral lady hugged muvva for her kindness and took dem.
At da wake afterwards, dats ware da hoomans all went to eat lots of noms and toast hoouncle, one or two of hoouncles pals asked wot muvva woz gonna do wif his ashes wen she collects dem Monday. She sed she didn't know. So one of dem said wot about puttin dem inside da smoke box (dats da chimney ontop of a steam locomotive ware da steam comes out), of one of da preserved steam engines on Bodmin & Wenford Steam Railway, then wen da steam engine chugged up da hill towards Bodmin hoouncles ashes would be scattered far an wide. Muvva fort dat wud be a fab idea, den it woz suggested dat maybe dey cud be scattered on Gillingham Football pitch. Dat wud be vewy special too.
Muvva preferred dat idea, and one of da pals sed dat he woz going up to Gillingham to watch a match on 3rd October, dats day before hoouncles next burfday, and dat he would find out if dey wud give permission to scatter da ashes da same day. He sed dey do fings like dat a lot and dat it wouldnt be a problem.
Muvva loved dat idea. Cos hoouncle would get one more trip on da high speed train to London, and den on a normal train down to Gillingham, and den get scattered all over da football pitch. It wud be extra special cuz muvva and hoouncle used to live a few yards away from da football ground wen dey woz kids.
So dats wot will happen if muvva can get permission.
Muvva not feeling sad today, we woz surprised. We fort we'd haf to keep a low profile cuz she'd be upset and leaky eyes, but she da total opposite. She feels comfort dat hoouncle wif his wife and rest of da fambly now, dey all togevver.
Muvva not got any relatives now, but she got lots of fwends on da interweb, an especially Twitta.
Muvva says to say fankoo to all dem fwends, so many peepuls sent messages of comfort and love, and told muvva dey wud be standing wif her at da funeral and holding her hand to give her strengf, and it so moved muvva to fink peepul rilly cared about her. So she wants me to tell you all dat she loves yoo all vewy much, and dat yoor forts and kind words did help her and she will be eternally grateful to yoo all.
We iz vewy blessed my fwends. To haf such a wondfurful fambly online. We may never meet but we will always be in each ovvers hearts and minds. As free spirits we are close and da miles dat seperate us iz only earthly miles, me carnt explain it, but we iz all souls linked togevva in fwendship and love and never far apart in our hearts.
Dere, me tried to explain, and I hopes yoo knows wot me means. Its not easy for a lickle dog to get philosof... fillysof... phillysof.... *sigh* ... serious.
So raise a toast my fwends to hoouncle, to each of us fwends, and to da future. May it be as good as it can be, and may we always share our love and fwendship.
Whatever da werld frows at us, we haf each ovver and we share da burdens and da bad times, as well as da good. None of us is alone, cuz we one big lovin online fambly.
ooh me nearly forgot, muvva wanted me to post a picfur ov da flowers she made for hoouncles coffin. *rolls eyes and slaps head wif paw* She put lickle white butterflies amongst da flowurs to signify hoouncle's soul flying free. Peepul fort dat woz luffley. Here dey iz.
I love yoo my fwends. We are never alone coz we got each ovver. Fankoo for supporting me muvva and me. We duz love yoo all so much.
Lots of Love
Bonnie
xoxoxoxox
Muvva sed it woz a perfect funeral, and not sombre or sad at all. Many of hoouncles old railway pals attended, some ov dem were very old hoomans. As dey waited for da coffin to arrive dey were chatting about all da old times dey shared and it woz vewy intrestin muvva sed.
As dey got hoouncle out ov da car one ov da old pals stepped forward and placed a Gillingham Football Club supporter's scarf on da coffin next to da flowers. It woz a very moving momunt and muvva said she welled up and got leaky eyes agen.
Da service itself woz vewy special and vewy personal to hoouncle. It woznt religious an it woznt humanist, but a balance between da two. As hoouncle came into da chapel da music was Apache by The Shadows, one of hoouncles favwite groups. Den da celibrant lady read a luffley poem about hoouncle starting his journey over da bridge, and dere woz a picfur ov hoouncles favwite steam locomotive above da poem, the Bournmouth Belle.
Den she red da eulogy wich muvva had ritten wif da theme from Local Hero by Mark Knopfler playing quietly in da background. Tellin all about hoouncles life from a small boy to wen he passed away wif muvva at his side. Muvva hadn't forgotten anyfin and although it wozn't a long eulogy it covered evfurryfing about hoouncle dat woz impawtunt.
Den dey played dat luffley bit of moosic by Mark Knopfler, Wherever I Go and evfurryone in da chapel had leaky eyes. It woz very moving. Hoouncles pals George and Nick were each side ov muvva, and she had to pass dem boff a tissue to wipe dere eyes *rolls eyes*
After dat dey all said da Lord's Prayer, and den celibrant lady read da commital wif a lovely poem about lettin him go back to da stars and da star maker and stuff.
And as da curtains closed Atlantis by The Shadows played as people cud stay dere a little wile den leave da chapel.
Muvva got vewy upset in da service, cus she had swollen eyes wen she got home but she told us it woz a beautiful service an she didn't feel sad no more, but had a sort of calm come over her and even felt a bit happy. Wich we understood but hoomans dunt always get it, dat wen we go over da bridge it not a sad time but a happy time.
Muvva gave da flowers to da funeral lady and sed dat other people cud use dem if dey wanted to, cos not evfurryone can affords fresh flowers, and as deez woz silk dey cud be used agen and agen. So funeral lady hugged muvva for her kindness and took dem.
At da wake afterwards, dats ware da hoomans all went to eat lots of noms and toast hoouncle, one or two of hoouncles pals asked wot muvva woz gonna do wif his ashes wen she collects dem Monday. She sed she didn't know. So one of dem said wot about puttin dem inside da smoke box (dats da chimney ontop of a steam locomotive ware da steam comes out), of one of da preserved steam engines on Bodmin & Wenford Steam Railway, then wen da steam engine chugged up da hill towards Bodmin hoouncles ashes would be scattered far an wide. Muvva fort dat wud be a fab idea, den it woz suggested dat maybe dey cud be scattered on Gillingham Football pitch. Dat wud be vewy special too.
Muvva preferred dat idea, and one of da pals sed dat he woz going up to Gillingham to watch a match on 3rd October, dats day before hoouncles next burfday, and dat he would find out if dey wud give permission to scatter da ashes da same day. He sed dey do fings like dat a lot and dat it wouldnt be a problem.
Muvva loved dat idea. Cos hoouncle would get one more trip on da high speed train to London, and den on a normal train down to Gillingham, and den get scattered all over da football pitch. It wud be extra special cuz muvva and hoouncle used to live a few yards away from da football ground wen dey woz kids.
So dats wot will happen if muvva can get permission.
Muvva not feeling sad today, we woz surprised. We fort we'd haf to keep a low profile cuz she'd be upset and leaky eyes, but she da total opposite. She feels comfort dat hoouncle wif his wife and rest of da fambly now, dey all togevver.
Muvva not got any relatives now, but she got lots of fwends on da interweb, an especially Twitta.
Muvva says to say fankoo to all dem fwends, so many peepuls sent messages of comfort and love, and told muvva dey wud be standing wif her at da funeral and holding her hand to give her strengf, and it so moved muvva to fink peepul rilly cared about her. So she wants me to tell you all dat she loves yoo all vewy much, and dat yoor forts and kind words did help her and she will be eternally grateful to yoo all.
We iz vewy blessed my fwends. To haf such a wondfurful fambly online. We may never meet but we will always be in each ovvers hearts and minds. As free spirits we are close and da miles dat seperate us iz only earthly miles, me carnt explain it, but we iz all souls linked togevva in fwendship and love and never far apart in our hearts.
Dere, me tried to explain, and I hopes yoo knows wot me means. Its not easy for a lickle dog to get philosof... fillysof... phillysof.... *sigh* ... serious.
So raise a toast my fwends to hoouncle, to each of us fwends, and to da future. May it be as good as it can be, and may we always share our love and fwendship.
Whatever da werld frows at us, we haf each ovver and we share da burdens and da bad times, as well as da good. None of us is alone, cuz we one big lovin online fambly.
ooh me nearly forgot, muvva wanted me to post a picfur ov da flowers she made for hoouncles coffin. *rolls eyes and slaps head wif paw* She put lickle white butterflies amongst da flowurs to signify hoouncle's soul flying free. Peepul fort dat woz luffley. Here dey iz.
I love yoo my fwends. We are never alone coz we got each ovver. Fankoo for supporting me muvva and me. We duz love yoo all so much.
Lots of Love
Bonnie
xoxoxoxox
Saturday 4 July 2015
Preparation
Hello my fwends.
Muvva has been so busy since hoouncle passed away. She has bin organisin da funeral and it not been easy for her. Hoouncle wants plain simple basic one wif as little money spent on it as possible. He sed to muvva dat he wud rather she kept da money he leave her for wen she gets old dan spend it on silly funeral.
Anyway she dun her best and I fink it gonna be vewy speshul and personal.
Dere a company here in Cornwall dat not like normal funeral directors. Dey not tell yoo wot yoo has to have but dey do wot yoo wants and tells dem to do, and dey very modern way of doing fings. So Muvva woz able to arrange da sort ov funeral exactly how hoouncle had wanted. Wich is impawtunt cuz it all about him.
So Muvva bin leehayzin wif dem & I fink she dun good job.
Hoouncle woz 73, an he loved The Shadows and also Mark Knopfler to name a couple ov his favwite moosic peepuls. So Muvva got dere moosic from iTunes last night onto a cd to give to da celebrante.
Da service gonna be more spiritual dan religious cuz hoouncle woznt religious but knew sumfin or sumone woz lookin afta us after we go over da bridge. So dere will be a celibrante to read da eulogy and stand out front to make sure da ceremony follows properly.
As hoouncle is carried into da chapel da moosic is The Shadows playin Apache (yoo can Google it if yooz wants to), den while da celebrant reads da eulogy (Muvva wrote it last nite an it all about hoouncles life), da background moosic will be Mark Knopfler playing da theme from da movie Local Hero, and is called Going Home. It got a sort of Scottish theme to da music an hoouncle loved Scotland very much.
Den after dat Muvva picked a very personal song by Mark Knopfler agen, especially for her and hoouncle to share. Here it iz wif da wurds. It makes us cry. But iz bootiful.
Den after dat has played hoouncle will go slowly thru da doors and curtains close behind him to The Shadows playing Atlantis.
Muvva got dis weekend to relax a bit, but got busy week nxt week. She gotta meet celebrant Monday, and funeral company lady Tuesday after she collected all da papers and death certificate from da hospital. Wednesday she got to choose da flowers and bring dem home to make up da wreath. She wanted to do it herself, cuz it be more personal and a lot cheaper! So she doing wot hoouncle wants.
She managed to get hold of ALL his old pals from wen he worked at da railway station and dey are all coming to da funeral too. She so pleased about dat.
And da pal dat bought hoouncles car iz driving her and George (dats hoouncles bestest friend) to da crematorium.
She just got to organise some sort of buffet afterwards this w/end. And den it all sorted.
It's been hard werk but its kept muvva from falling to bits.
Because yoo haf all given so much support to us at dis sad time, we want to share it wif yoo. It iz a vewy private fing we know, but Muvva has been vewy open and shared every tear drop wif yoo my fwends. Because yoo iz all speshul to us.
She an orphan now wif no fambly, well no blood fambly. She is very rich in Twitter fambly and fwends though.
Evfurryone been so kind and so fortful and wivout dere support she cud neva haf held it togevva like she haz. She sez to tell you fankoo so much, it means da werld to her.
Yoo haf all shared our pain ov hoouncle being so ill and now da loss of hoouncle. We love yoo, each and evfurry one ov yoo, so much.
We iz very blessed to haf yoo all in our lives.
God Bless yoo all
Wif lots of love
Bonnie
xoxoxoxoxo
Muvva has been so busy since hoouncle passed away. She has bin organisin da funeral and it not been easy for her. Hoouncle wants plain simple basic one wif as little money spent on it as possible. He sed to muvva dat he wud rather she kept da money he leave her for wen she gets old dan spend it on silly funeral.
Anyway she dun her best and I fink it gonna be vewy speshul and personal.
Dere a company here in Cornwall dat not like normal funeral directors. Dey not tell yoo wot yoo has to have but dey do wot yoo wants and tells dem to do, and dey very modern way of doing fings. So Muvva woz able to arrange da sort ov funeral exactly how hoouncle had wanted. Wich is impawtunt cuz it all about him.
So Muvva bin leehayzin wif dem & I fink she dun good job.
Hoouncle woz 73, an he loved The Shadows and also Mark Knopfler to name a couple ov his favwite moosic peepuls. So Muvva got dere moosic from iTunes last night onto a cd to give to da celebrante.
Da service gonna be more spiritual dan religious cuz hoouncle woznt religious but knew sumfin or sumone woz lookin afta us after we go over da bridge. So dere will be a celibrante to read da eulogy and stand out front to make sure da ceremony follows properly.
As hoouncle is carried into da chapel da moosic is The Shadows playin Apache (yoo can Google it if yooz wants to), den while da celebrant reads da eulogy (Muvva wrote it last nite an it all about hoouncles life), da background moosic will be Mark Knopfler playing da theme from da movie Local Hero, and is called Going Home. It got a sort of Scottish theme to da music an hoouncle loved Scotland very much.
Den after dat Muvva picked a very personal song by Mark Knopfler agen, especially for her and hoouncle to share. Here it iz wif da wurds. It makes us cry. But iz bootiful.
Den after dat has played hoouncle will go slowly thru da doors and curtains close behind him to The Shadows playing Atlantis.
Muvva got dis weekend to relax a bit, but got busy week nxt week. She gotta meet celebrant Monday, and funeral company lady Tuesday after she collected all da papers and death certificate from da hospital. Wednesday she got to choose da flowers and bring dem home to make up da wreath. She wanted to do it herself, cuz it be more personal and a lot cheaper! So she doing wot hoouncle wants.
She managed to get hold of ALL his old pals from wen he worked at da railway station and dey are all coming to da funeral too. She so pleased about dat.
And da pal dat bought hoouncles car iz driving her and George (dats hoouncles bestest friend) to da crematorium.
She just got to organise some sort of buffet afterwards this w/end. And den it all sorted.
It's been hard werk but its kept muvva from falling to bits.
Because yoo haf all given so much support to us at dis sad time, we want to share it wif yoo. It iz a vewy private fing we know, but Muvva has been vewy open and shared every tear drop wif yoo my fwends. Because yoo iz all speshul to us.
She an orphan now wif no fambly, well no blood fambly. She is very rich in Twitter fambly and fwends though.
Evfurryone been so kind and so fortful and wivout dere support she cud neva haf held it togevva like she haz. She sez to tell you fankoo so much, it means da werld to her.
Yoo haf all shared our pain ov hoouncle being so ill and now da loss of hoouncle. We love yoo, each and evfurry one ov yoo, so much.
We iz very blessed to haf yoo all in our lives.
God Bless yoo all
Wif lots of love
Bonnie
xoxoxoxoxo
Thursday 2 July 2015
Farewell Hoouncle We love yoo so much
Hello my dearest friends Hoouncle has gone over da bridge. We iz vewy sad, we never got to say goodbye to him, but muvva was wif him until da end.
She haz ritten down how it was at da end an I fort I wud put it in me blog so yoo all know how it went, and how peaceful an lovin it was. I knows a lots ov hooomums and hoodads is scared of bein wif someone wen dey iz dyin, same as wen we haz to go over da bridge, but itz da most impawtunt time ov someone's life, mainly da person or anipal dat is makin da journey and its da very last fing yoo can do for dem and it a very speshul time dat yoo will neva get agen.
So here is muvva to tell yoo all how it went, and I hope yoo can see how speshul time it iz and help yoo to share dat time wif yoor loved ones wen da time comes. An lets face it pals, we neva know wen our time is coming, we not got a say in how long we gonna be around, but all we can do is show each other as much love as we can an be as kind to each other as possible. Cuz after all, like da Beatles used to sing, All You Need Is Love. Material fings not matter, itz how we treat peepuls and each other and how dey know we loves dem.
OK OK Here's muvva. I passing me blog over to her now.....
******
Well my friends the journey is over for my dear brother Nigel.
The hospital called me, I think about 1.45am Wednesday morning, I'd not been in bed long after visiting him the evening before, the nurse on the phone told me Nigel had taken a turn for the worse shortly after I left him Tuesday evening.
As I said earlier, I'd only had about an hour and half in bed, and you know what it's like waking up and trying to take in something someone's talking about on the phone. I dashed to the loo and threw some clothes on, made sure the dogs had been out for a wee and locked up and drove like a mad thing down to the hospital. The roads were clear at that time of night, and I could speed round the lanes at the back of the hospital (short cut) easily as I could see if there was anything coming in the dark. The tall banks of the Cornish lanes were a blur as I sped along, occasionally slowing down to a crawl as a rabbit leapt from the grassy bank into the road, and a wild cat loped along infront of the car for a few yards. It seemed confident that it was safe and I wouldnt run it over, before turning and disappearing into the long grass and safety.
The hospital was deserted, as you'd expect in the early hours. No parking problems now, as the car park was all but deserted. So I managed to park right outside and after paying for my ticket in the machine, I hurried into the hospital.
When I got to the ward Nigel was I think asleep, although I'm not sure, one of his eyes were sort of open. There was no sign of him knowing if I was there or not, but I held his hand and told him I was there with him, and was going to stay with him.
His breathing was coming in short gasps a bit like when a fish jumps out of it's bowl, but he wasn't struggling to breath and his breath was clear. He had oxygen pipes up his nose, but I don't think they were doing anything as his mouth had dropped open and he was breathing through that.
The nurses were wonderful. They supplied me with copious amounts of hot sweet tea. I asked for some sponge sticks and kept moistening Nigel's tongue and mouth and his lips. I kept reassuring him I was there.
I had time to tell him how much I loved him, and how brave he had been through all this, hiding his fear and concerns so as not to worry me too much, and how proud I was of him. I told him I would always love him and he would always be with me in my heart and that he had been the best brother ever.
The nurses kept checking he was comfortable and tried to check his blood pressure, first one arm then the other, but it was so low it wouldn't register on their machine, so they then tried his ankles but had the same result. So they then put the old fashioned BP band around his arm and did it manually, again nothing registered. Another nurse came to check his blood sugar, and it was down to 2.3. The doctor kept coming and going every so often, and told the nurse to inject glucose directly into one of the many canula's in Nigel's hands. She started injecting 50ml every 10 minutes to try to raise the blood sugar. After a couple of attempts the doctor came back and asked me if I wanted them to stop everything and just leave Nigel in peace to carry on his journey without being pulled around by the nurses.
I told the doctor that Nigel had said he didn't want to be pulled around anymore and was fed up with all the tests and procedures and just wanted to go in peace when the time came. She said yes he had told her that the day before. So they disconnected the 2 drips and stopped injecting the glucose and made him comfy.
His breathing seemed to change and bcame more shallow quite quickly. And both eyes were open but not seeing. I continued to hold his little bird like hand and comfort him. I tried so hard to be strong for him, but the tears came in waves and I couldn't stop them.
I told him that he would soon be with the rest of our family, mum, dad, grandparents, Lorna and his best friend Colin who had passed away last year and whose death had devastated him, because they'd been friends since school days, over 60yrs ago.
One of the nurses brought me in another cup of tea and 2 slices of toast, as I'd had nothing to eat since Tuesday morning, but I couldn't eat it. My tummy was rumbling like mad but I just couldn't eat.
Then about quarter to 7am the nurse whispered she thought the end was close, his breathing was more shallow and he had closed his eyes.
I leaned close and told him not to worry about me, that I would be fine, I had George and many many friends online who were sending me support and prayers for us both, and that I wanted him to go without having to worry about me. I felt his body tense a little, very slightly.
Then the nurse went round and felt for his pulse on his neck and I knew he had almost gone. He took one final deep breath and then his body relaxed and I knew he'd gone.
One of the nurses who had been stood next to my chair put her arms around me and I sobbed like a baby. I had no control over it and was afraid I would wake the other men on the ward. The nurse was holding me so tightly I just leant against her with all my weight and let the grief pour out.
They took me to a side room after a couple of minutes. The little nurse that had held me at the end sat with me, and we talked and I cried. The tears just kept flowing, I don't know how I had so many tears to come out. But although I was so upset, I was glad he had had such a peaceful end And I was glad he knew I was with him on that final journey and that I'd had a chance to tell him those last things that were important to us both.
After a few minutes I went back to see Nigel. They had tidied his bed, but his mouth was still dropped open and one eye was open very slightly. I remember saying to the nurse, I expect they would put something around his head to hold his jaw up once he was taken to the mortuary, and she said yes they would.
I stroked his face and shoulder but couldn't kiss him goodbye. I couldn't kiss mum when I saw her after she'd died, I don't know why but I just couldn't, it scared me.
I left him there and walked back down to the car with his few belongings, and the car park was almost empty and the birds were beginning to sing the dawn chorus.
I drove home with tears flowing freely down my cheeks, in a sort of trance. As if I wasn't really there. But I got home safely and my fur babies were all so pleased to see me, leaping around and barking like mad.
Now I have the funeral arrangements to sort out, he had no funeral insurance and had told me he wanted a paupers funeral, as he didn't want any of his money going to the government. Bless him. So I'll be organising a very basic simple funeral this week. There won't be many people there, myself, his best friend George, perhaps one or two of his friends.
I miss him so much, but know he's at peace now and with everyone and everyfur over the bridge and I know he will be looking down on me and taking care of me for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be.
I was so glad I had that special few weeks when Nigel was poorly which at the time seemed such a struggle for us both, and not a time I'd want to relive, but it allowed us to speak of things we wouldn't have in any other circumstances. And I was so pleased to be able to sit with him as he passed from this life to the next and to know that he was comforted and not frightened because I was with him right up to the last breath in this world.
Those last few minutes were as precious as any diamonds or gold, moreso. No earthly treasure could ever give such a fulfilling sense of love and oneness with the person who was leaving me. He was all I had in this world, there are no other relatives and it is very sad to think about that, but I thank God I have so many wonderful, loving, caring, thoughtful and compassionate friends, all online. And people i have never met, but who have shown me such love and genuine friendship, not only now, but with the trials and tribulations of dear Bonnie's ongoing illness.
For this I can never ever thank you enough. Each and every one of you are more presious to me than anything in this world. Without your support I would never have come through all this. It just seemed one thing after another was happening, and my life was nothing but grief. But you were all there with me, sharing it and showing me how much you all genuinely care.
I love each and every one of you very much dear friends, for the love you have shown me and the love you have for Bonnie and the other furbabies.
Thank you so so much. You are all very special human beings and furpals.
With all my most sincere love, always
Hazel aka Muvva
******
So dere's me muvva haffin her pennywurf of werds on me blog. I love her vewy much, she's da only muvva me got, but I so glad she's mine.
Bless yoo all my dear fwends. We luffs yoo all so much
Bonnie
xoxoxoxo
She haz ritten down how it was at da end an I fort I wud put it in me blog so yoo all know how it went, and how peaceful an lovin it was. I knows a lots ov hooomums and hoodads is scared of bein wif someone wen dey iz dyin, same as wen we haz to go over da bridge, but itz da most impawtunt time ov someone's life, mainly da person or anipal dat is makin da journey and its da very last fing yoo can do for dem and it a very speshul time dat yoo will neva get agen.
So here is muvva to tell yoo all how it went, and I hope yoo can see how speshul time it iz and help yoo to share dat time wif yoor loved ones wen da time comes. An lets face it pals, we neva know wen our time is coming, we not got a say in how long we gonna be around, but all we can do is show each other as much love as we can an be as kind to each other as possible. Cuz after all, like da Beatles used to sing, All You Need Is Love. Material fings not matter, itz how we treat peepuls and each other and how dey know we loves dem.
OK OK Here's muvva. I passing me blog over to her now.....
Well my friends the journey is over for my dear brother Nigel.
The hospital called me, I think about 1.45am Wednesday morning, I'd not been in bed long after visiting him the evening before, the nurse on the phone told me Nigel had taken a turn for the worse shortly after I left him Tuesday evening.
As I said earlier, I'd only had about an hour and half in bed, and you know what it's like waking up and trying to take in something someone's talking about on the phone. I dashed to the loo and threw some clothes on, made sure the dogs had been out for a wee and locked up and drove like a mad thing down to the hospital. The roads were clear at that time of night, and I could speed round the lanes at the back of the hospital (short cut) easily as I could see if there was anything coming in the dark. The tall banks of the Cornish lanes were a blur as I sped along, occasionally slowing down to a crawl as a rabbit leapt from the grassy bank into the road, and a wild cat loped along infront of the car for a few yards. It seemed confident that it was safe and I wouldnt run it over, before turning and disappearing into the long grass and safety.
The hospital was deserted, as you'd expect in the early hours. No parking problems now, as the car park was all but deserted. So I managed to park right outside and after paying for my ticket in the machine, I hurried into the hospital.
When I got to the ward Nigel was I think asleep, although I'm not sure, one of his eyes were sort of open. There was no sign of him knowing if I was there or not, but I held his hand and told him I was there with him, and was going to stay with him.
His breathing was coming in short gasps a bit like when a fish jumps out of it's bowl, but he wasn't struggling to breath and his breath was clear. He had oxygen pipes up his nose, but I don't think they were doing anything as his mouth had dropped open and he was breathing through that.
The nurses were wonderful. They supplied me with copious amounts of hot sweet tea. I asked for some sponge sticks and kept moistening Nigel's tongue and mouth and his lips. I kept reassuring him I was there.
I had time to tell him how much I loved him, and how brave he had been through all this, hiding his fear and concerns so as not to worry me too much, and how proud I was of him. I told him I would always love him and he would always be with me in my heart and that he had been the best brother ever.
The nurses kept checking he was comfortable and tried to check his blood pressure, first one arm then the other, but it was so low it wouldn't register on their machine, so they then tried his ankles but had the same result. So they then put the old fashioned BP band around his arm and did it manually, again nothing registered. Another nurse came to check his blood sugar, and it was down to 2.3. The doctor kept coming and going every so often, and told the nurse to inject glucose directly into one of the many canula's in Nigel's hands. She started injecting 50ml every 10 minutes to try to raise the blood sugar. After a couple of attempts the doctor came back and asked me if I wanted them to stop everything and just leave Nigel in peace to carry on his journey without being pulled around by the nurses.
I told the doctor that Nigel had said he didn't want to be pulled around anymore and was fed up with all the tests and procedures and just wanted to go in peace when the time came. She said yes he had told her that the day before. So they disconnected the 2 drips and stopped injecting the glucose and made him comfy.
His breathing seemed to change and bcame more shallow quite quickly. And both eyes were open but not seeing. I continued to hold his little bird like hand and comfort him. I tried so hard to be strong for him, but the tears came in waves and I couldn't stop them.
I told him that he would soon be with the rest of our family, mum, dad, grandparents, Lorna and his best friend Colin who had passed away last year and whose death had devastated him, because they'd been friends since school days, over 60yrs ago.
One of the nurses brought me in another cup of tea and 2 slices of toast, as I'd had nothing to eat since Tuesday morning, but I couldn't eat it. My tummy was rumbling like mad but I just couldn't eat.
Then about quarter to 7am the nurse whispered she thought the end was close, his breathing was more shallow and he had closed his eyes.
I leaned close and told him not to worry about me, that I would be fine, I had George and many many friends online who were sending me support and prayers for us both, and that I wanted him to go without having to worry about me. I felt his body tense a little, very slightly.
Then the nurse went round and felt for his pulse on his neck and I knew he had almost gone. He took one final deep breath and then his body relaxed and I knew he'd gone.
One of the nurses who had been stood next to my chair put her arms around me and I sobbed like a baby. I had no control over it and was afraid I would wake the other men on the ward. The nurse was holding me so tightly I just leant against her with all my weight and let the grief pour out.
They took me to a side room after a couple of minutes. The little nurse that had held me at the end sat with me, and we talked and I cried. The tears just kept flowing, I don't know how I had so many tears to come out. But although I was so upset, I was glad he had had such a peaceful end And I was glad he knew I was with him on that final journey and that I'd had a chance to tell him those last things that were important to us both.
After a few minutes I went back to see Nigel. They had tidied his bed, but his mouth was still dropped open and one eye was open very slightly. I remember saying to the nurse, I expect they would put something around his head to hold his jaw up once he was taken to the mortuary, and she said yes they would.
I stroked his face and shoulder but couldn't kiss him goodbye. I couldn't kiss mum when I saw her after she'd died, I don't know why but I just couldn't, it scared me.
I left him there and walked back down to the car with his few belongings, and the car park was almost empty and the birds were beginning to sing the dawn chorus.
I drove home with tears flowing freely down my cheeks, in a sort of trance. As if I wasn't really there. But I got home safely and my fur babies were all so pleased to see me, leaping around and barking like mad.
Now I have the funeral arrangements to sort out, he had no funeral insurance and had told me he wanted a paupers funeral, as he didn't want any of his money going to the government. Bless him. So I'll be organising a very basic simple funeral this week. There won't be many people there, myself, his best friend George, perhaps one or two of his friends.
I miss him so much, but know he's at peace now and with everyone and everyfur over the bridge and I know he will be looking down on me and taking care of me for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be.
I was so glad I had that special few weeks when Nigel was poorly which at the time seemed such a struggle for us both, and not a time I'd want to relive, but it allowed us to speak of things we wouldn't have in any other circumstances. And I was so pleased to be able to sit with him as he passed from this life to the next and to know that he was comforted and not frightened because I was with him right up to the last breath in this world.
Those last few minutes were as precious as any diamonds or gold, moreso. No earthly treasure could ever give such a fulfilling sense of love and oneness with the person who was leaving me. He was all I had in this world, there are no other relatives and it is very sad to think about that, but I thank God I have so many wonderful, loving, caring, thoughtful and compassionate friends, all online. And people i have never met, but who have shown me such love and genuine friendship, not only now, but with the trials and tribulations of dear Bonnie's ongoing illness.
For this I can never ever thank you enough. Each and every one of you are more presious to me than anything in this world. Without your support I would never have come through all this. It just seemed one thing after another was happening, and my life was nothing but grief. But you were all there with me, sharing it and showing me how much you all genuinely care.
I love each and every one of you very much dear friends, for the love you have shown me and the love you have for Bonnie and the other furbabies.
Thank you so so much. You are all very special human beings and furpals.
With all my most sincere love, always
Hazel aka Muvva
So dere's me muvva haffin her pennywurf of werds on me blog. I love her vewy much, she's da only muvva me got, but I so glad she's mine.
Bless yoo all my dear fwends. We luffs yoo all so much
Bonnie
xoxoxoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)